To live, at least for me, is living a life where it has deeper meaning. You wake up with a purpose, you go to work because you know your purpose, you do almost everything in your life because you know exactly why you exist in this world. To exist, however, is the dead version of living. It is to live his/her life without knowing what to do with it. these people are mostly "just there". They don't give a shit about everyone as long as they are there meeting their basic needs.
So, among the two, where do I stand? In my own reflection, I am only struggling to live because I feel that I only exist. Yes, this is my ugly reality. I do all these things, I keep myself busy, but at the end of the day, it doesn't fill me in. Every morning, I go to work thinking that I'll do my best but I don't have the momentum for it. I learned that in order for me to be better, I should think as to whom I am doing all of these for. On a seminar we were given that task of thinking of that inspiration, and after a few seconds of reflection, I could not gather the person I am doing these for. The a few more seconds, I even bargained with myself, thinking, "hey can the dog be it?" (lol but, yes, I really thought that).
Maybe it is the whole purpose of the family thing, most of the hardworking and very passionate persons I have known are already married or they have a supportive, strong and inspiring family/parents. It sucks. I just wanted to become the best that I can be even if I this is my condition. I know, it couldn't be possible. If I wanted to do something, it will always be half-baked because it lacks inspiration.
Well, I wrote this down to emphasize on this weakness. This is how I see my life now. I want to be forward looking and see myself on the other side of the spectrum with everything all figured out. I am not certain I will, but this will be my turning point, let's see.
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