Trouble

I remember when I first felt this. I don't want to recognize it because once I do, I'm in trouble. Just like now, not again.

I ran last sunday and I am too bothered with these thoughts of you. I have buried these for more than 10x but it keeps coming back. I effing hate it. I hate you. You are not worth it. You are not worth the trouble.

You don't know this, of course, and I've been awfully cool about this. And I will be, not until you say something about this. You know everything about me, but not this. Not now. I leave this to myself to keep.

I will try to keep myself in this box I've made for myself and will keep burying you and will keep myself away from you. You have to go away, for real, away from me, my thoughts and my heart.

Should you try again, I will make this walls thicker, I shall make myself stronger, and I will run away further than before. Seriously, for me, you're nothing but trouble.

Of course, if you say something, it'll be a different story but knowing you. You will never have the guts.

God, let him be away. Please.

Since I can't sleep

So I can't sleep. Time to blog.

What has happened, so far? Well, I think I'm better now. No more unrequited love /boys, conscious/desperate weight watching (and yes, I've gained weight but I'm okay with it), doggie mange, sleeplessness (except today - special case, I have a race tomorrow) aand cash flow is back to okay (no more begging to mother before payday). So yeah, it qualifies me to being better ain't it?

Still, though, depression is still there, but manageable. It's peak/height is usually a week before my menstruation. But, still, there are more better days than bad ones. So, that's an okay.

I exercise more. I run more, I signed up races and I am planning to do two more marathons this year. But, I do aikido less though. I can only do once a week and sometimes I'd be absent for more than three weeks (just like this time) buy I promise to myself I'll be back. I need to be back. All in all though, it's okay.

So, okay, I'm okay! Now what? 

Err... Just an update. Hehe.. Good day folks!