So, now, I skipped work because I realize what a total mess I am today. I am at one of my weakest points and I know that I will be on this for a long time.
I searched the internet about my condition and affirmed that I have a psychological problem. I thought this was Bipolar Disorder but it wasn't, the term that perfectly matches my condition is Cyclothymia.
I took a depression test via www.depressedtest.com and it showed that I have a very high probability of cyclothymia, with high chance of bipolar disorder but still this is something that I shouldn't be neglecting.
I have read in one blog via www.thatscousebastard.com/cyclothymia.html that this needs controlled. And the changes in my mood swings are usually triggered by a changes or big things happening in life. And yes, he is correct. There were things that happened and I think that contributed to the fact this is all happening. I am already doing the right thing of maintaining a routine but the change happened so, I go spiralling to my depressive state.
But treatment or at least controlling this also requires a strong support system. I cried earlier because currently I don't have one. I clearly need help I just don't know how to reach out.
If you have read the article from both links I provided, you would have known that this involves two stages, the hypomania and the depressed state. I am already done with my hypomania, now I see myself crying with no apparent reason. And this is why I finally thought yes, there must be something wrong with me.
I look at my family, officemates and friends and see how it is to be on their world without these. How it is to think "normal" is not something I have seen myself with so I always wonder how people would see. But given that, I could not believe how this came to me, how I have deflected from the norm, how this became part of my system.
This is my weakness and I do not know how to float away from this. I hope God can make a way.
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