I have been attentive, I was able to finish some work. Though I haven't been on time, I've never been astonished with the turn of the events.
Yesterday, I did not go to work because of the breakdown. I slept. Then played Minion Rush, then slept, then researched about my condition, found it, then slept, played Minion Rush, then read some more. Then slept. Good thing, my sleeps are as deep as I wanted them to be.
I guess this is one of the ways to at least control it, as a friend advised me, I should just let it get me. Shut the world out then let it swallow you. It is a matter of acceptance. This is me, this is already a part of me. All I can do, is just take hold of it and put it on my own hands.
So what's next? This is cyclic, I was able to work then, go to the gym earlier. My appetite is almost back. And, I am again, thirsty to train for my next race. I can't really tell if I am on my hypomania state but I am happy that the hollow feeling is gone. At least for now.
It's weird that as I started this morning, as I took my morning coffee and read my emails, I have been searching for the vacuum/hollow feeling inside me. The one that I have felt the day before. It felt strange that it wasn't there. Even as I travel back home alone, I searched for it again. I looked at the crowd inside the train and felt afraid that it might come back, but still it didn't. I looked at the window for the comfort and it felt good.
I know that in the days to come it will be harder. I might not make it. But it is days like this that I exhault myself and of course the Lord for letting me get it back together. I can always bounce back. I always have that in mind. If ever there are bad things that are happening, my mantra is I can always bounce back. I can go through it.
I just wish I would stop doubting myself. Sheesh.
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