Slam down 2013

2013 has been not so good to me. If I were a wrestler, or an MMA fighter, I would be Silva and the year has been my Weidmann of different sorts.

Well, this year I am thankful that I got over one person and then transferred it to another. The other gave me tons of disappointments that I could still not accept. Well, that's one bad thing that happened this year. I am often seen by him as someone who's okay with this whole situation but deep inside, I really am not.

Which leads me to my work, yes, my work, the one I have been spending most of my time on. I am pretending that everything's okay, that everything they ask me to do is okay. But deep inside, it's not. I am not okay with what they made me do. Maybe it's okay if I had something in exchange or I felt important after it. But no, it made my confidence run down the drain. And besides, I've never felt so unimportant in an organization as ever before. I don't want to continue with this, this 2014. I will make changes.

Change is something I am hoping for this 2014. I don't know what change will happen, but whatever opportunity comes, I will grab it as long as it offers change. This is one thing I am looking forward this coming 2014.

What else am I looking forward to? My first marathon finish, this coming Feb. My Valentine treat to myself. A new love perhaps. Hoping, wishing and wanting it to finally happen this year.

Well, I don't know what the year has for me but I am praying it will be better. I will be better and everything's going to be better. I am claiming it. Cheers 2014.

South Station Birds

Saw this last night at Alabang South Station, I came from a friend's house in Muntinlupa then commuted back home. I was amazed upon seeing this scene as the bus parked to gather passengers at the station.

What are these? These are birds, I think these are maya birds (commonly scene birds in the metro) sleeping in those wires. I was so amazed, I took a shot even if it was dangerous to do it, due to the rate of robbery in this place (well, in my own observation at least). 

Anyway, it was nice to see all of them sleeping peacefully in one place. The people were kinda used to them. Or they just didn't noticed. I wish there were more trees though, so that they won't be risking their lives sleeping in such a place.

Life oh well.

Who reads hardbound books on the MRT?

Yes, I do.

I dunno what was I thinking, I wanted to finish this book so fast and it's so interesting to read. I realized just now that these are my kind of books.

As I have mentioned before, I am into humor/comedy memoir books. Well, this one is an interesting read and I could not help myself but bring this one into my long commute and read it while waiting to arrive on my destination.

I don't mind it being heavy, or being bulky really. I just realized, that when I am standing up and the trains are jampacked and I am reading this book, that I am hurting other people (you know the edges and it is hard bound after all) when the train brakes or takes a turn. I am funny sometimes, I don't realize it until I go down the train or until I leave the station.

Oh well. Sorry people.

Hardbound book by Jenny Lawson - highly recommended to kill time 

Humor is Light

As I have blogged before, I've had a minor bout with depression a couple of months back. And while I was at it, I kept being sorry for myself for being in that situation. However, it was easy to make me laugh. I don't know why. I took every joke as a situation to make me smile.

So, with that, in one salary day, I went to a bookstore and bought two books from two funny women I look up to. After the first book, I realized, I liked these kinds of book and I forgot how I loved humor.

Books I first bought out of impulse. I did not finish Tina Fey's book though.

I was able to finish Mindy Kaling's "Is Everyone Hanging out without me?" in one sitting (in a salon for the record, while they are fixing my hair). I enjoyed it, it was the same as the book I read before, from Stacy Horn, Waiting for my Cats to die. I remembered how these things remind me of how it is okay to be just me, alone.

So, when there was a booksale, I went for another book - My boyfriend wrote a book about me by Hilary Winston, again, it was an easy read. Now, I am on a roll. This is how I will get over this, this sad thing. I got over my first love by exercising, by doing physical stuff. Now, this. I'm busier than ever.

I have felt alone before, and this is the peak of it. I guess, it's a matter of acceptance and how you put humor in boring situations. If you laugh at your own company, I guess you're gonna be okay.

Sad thoughts

Have you ever thought of being in the wrong place at the wrong time? At home, I always did.

Whenever, I look at everyone, I know, I feel that I am at the right place. I needed to be who I am now, and this wouldn't be possible if not for my family. But, every single time they break my heart, I wonder why am I still holding on to them.

I wanted to go away, to go as far as I can. They wouldn't see me as someone important, not that I demand it or want it. I do not feel it, everytime I am here, my supposed home, I always feel alone. Whenever I need help, they weren't around. I am at the brink of my sanity, and still they go about their own businesses.

I know it is selfish of me, but I need to love myself. I need to feel important even if it is to live without them, my own flesh and blood. I want to be in a place where I can feel my importance, not here, what they do is to always bring me down, because I could not save them. How could I save them from poverty if one, they are not poor, two, I could not save myself, how could I do it with them? 

I am gravely disappointed. I realized just now, that no matter what I do, I am just the same as my siblings in the eyes of my own mother, a disappointment. I want to go away, so that she would see how it is to live without me. 

I hate this feeling, it destroys the momentum and drive I have for work and other things I try to function to. I pray to God to show me the way. I am sorry for being selfish. 

Understanding

I seek to understand.

Even if my heart says otherwise. 

Even if my heart says this makes me weak.

Even if my heart says give the fuck up.

My head whispers seek to understand.

Earphone Crazy Pop

I left my iPod with the earphones connected on my bed one day, take note that I am just leaving to get to the loo. Then, when I came back, I was surprised to see the dog munching my pink candy colored headset and made it look like this..

Much to my dismay, to myself, to the dog and to the whole situation, the earphones, obviously, can no longer be used. 

Probably, this is my 3rd earphone for the year. I started the year with the Panasonic (which was about a thousand bucks) then mellowed with a Pioneer, for about 700 Php. Then, this one, the Audiophile one with the same color as my new running shoes. The first and third one were destroyed care of my doggie, Odin, then the other was defective. Stupid me, I did not keep the receipt so I just bought a new one.

So come payday, I decided to get one, again. Of course, I plan to splurge again, on earphones, since, I am a fan of high quality sounds care of my uncle who' I grew up with. I would love to hear an extra bass and good noise cancellation on it. Since, I use it for work and for my runs, sometimes in commute as well, since I am not the type who would like to disappear in the crowd and my iPod would do that for me. Anyway, I kept that explanation for too long, so, I searched at running shops and all of them are selling the expensive Yurbuds. The sales talk really would make me lean towards buying it, but, instead, I've kept my money inside my pocket or wallet. It is advantageous to get it, but not at this time, I guess. But, come February, I might get one, if and only if this new one is not yet broken. 

I came across the Coloud Pop Headphones. I saw this first when I came to ROX (Recreational Outdoor Exchange at Bonifacio High Street) along with the Yurbuds. It looks cute and pop-y, I did not want to get it the first time i saw it because it was way out of my budget (which was around 300-500php, this costs 895Php and it is already on Sale mind you). Also, one of the reasons I did not want to get it was the microphone. It has a built in mic that I thought I was never going to use, since I will only be using it for running.

But, when I came to the mall and made some serious earphone searching. I reconsidered getting it. Why? Because, first and foremost, it looks cute, sound quality is between better to best (my criteria for getting earphones really was cuteness AND sound quality. I don't compromise, I should get both) and the mic was okay to use too (for my SoundCloud account - yea, lol I sing too, now you know). I can also use it as a headset to my phone, so it will be convenient. 

I may have a lot of reasons why I am splurging on this one but based on the review I've read (and it's only one LOL - you may read it here in this link ) it is quite good and practical given its price and design. So I say yay for this purchase! I just hope I don't just leave it anywhere for the dog to mangle on.